I think guilt is not quite penitence, but the French word may have similar connotations. It was a review of a book called La tyrannie de la penitence, translated into English as The Tyranny of Guilt: An Essay on Western Masochism. I was reminded of that incident when I received recently from a Western friend an article entitled ‘Perennial guilt trip distorts European perspective’. You forget that Tony was seriously upset.’ ‘The trouble with you, Rajiva,’ he said firmly, ‘is you think everything is fine if you tell us what you did and say you’re sorry. Dr Mitchell looked at me in sympathy, but also some disdain. This was upsetting enough for someone who had to live on a shoestring, but I also felt hurt that a confidante should be so stern. To my great surprise, the Dean informed me that he would have to fine me. I granted that the noise may have been excessive, and I was truly sorry that Tony had been disturbed, but I thought that would be the end of the matter – after all, everyone knew it was not easy to quieten Benazir when she was moved. I told him the whole story, which he seemed to much enjoy because he knew many of the characters involved. He was an easygoing Dean, and agreed to a walk while we talked. The Dean duly called me up the next day, and asked what had happened. To my astonishment, for he was generally a good friend, he practically snarled at me and informed me that he would be reporting me to the Dean. I had failed to notice that he was in a dressing gown and carrying a torch.
When I was letting the others out, I met him in the quadrangle, and greeted him enthusiastically, thinking he must have had an equally interesting evening. The rest of the group were equally endearing, and we played on for hours, to the fury as I found out of the Senior Tutor. We had been playing Diplomacy, a game much in vogue for a few months during that period, and Benazir Bhutto, who did everything with much enthusiasm, had shrieked with anguish whenever she was let down in negotiations. Many years ago, I had been responsible for a great deal of noise very late into the night in my rooms at University.
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